Prosperity Just a Cheque Away!

Every once and a while everything just goes your way! Jim Davila at PaeloJudaica is going to find his fortune from the Massekhet Kelim, while I will receive mine through the assistance of Profit Prophet Peter Popoff. Peter is such a good friend. I just got a letter from him. At first I thought it was a form letter, but then I noticed it had personalized notes in green handwriting on the letter. What a sweet guy… taking the time to write me (wow, he sure has uniform penmanship!).

It seems that Peter hasn’t been able to sleep very well lately. In his letter he notes how he was awakened and prompted to write me — what a nice guy! Well, it gets even better! All I have to do is send him some “seed” money and then God will bless me! Yippee! Where’s my chequebook… Actually it’s not quite that simple. Wow, there are a lot of instructions…

Here’s what I have to do:

  • Take “Green Oil of Prosperity” (pictured above) and put a drop on three pieces of paper.
  • Place the papers as follows: (1) put one under chair where you eat… gross… I can’t believe how much my four-year-old son drops on the floor when eating… anyone want some day-old cheerios?; (2) put second in front of your front door; and (3) place last at the foot of bed.
  • Write my name on the special cloth (it actually is a piece of paper; see below) and write on it how much money I need right away.
  • Send the three oily pieces of paper and the special cloth back to my good buddy Peter. Oh yeah… with an enclosed cheque. I guess this “seed faith gift” is necessary for God to do anything.

Now all I have to do is wait in anticipation! Now, where should I put that big-screen TV? Hmmm…

Whoops… I think I may be in trouble. I just re-read the letter; it says: “For reasons of safety, I must ask you to keep secret what I am going to share with you now.”

I better write a bigger cheque…

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